Existential loneliness

A stranger
who had become a friend, than a lover
than a stranger again
said after the seduction that he was a realist
"I refuse to be "one" with the whole
I demand my diversity for healthy evolution"

he than shared his fantasy of galtic domination
and wondered if I would like to be a slave

I didn't tell him my fantasy
cause he never asked
and for some reason I fall into the passive role too easily

I watched the charade be played out
seduced by plausibilities
stood beside the shadow of the projection statues we created
watched the shadows move like a sun dial
within the passage of time

it might be true
that love is the strongest force there is
within the tug a war of boundaries
music within the moaning of rope
and the imperfect perfection of it all

but eventualy indifference might be just as strong
to find that what you once were passionate about
now bores you

@Bragitta

scratched a hole in the wall
I was in one of my nervous moods
thinking too much about references and details
reading too many articles about global warming
about the polluting anti-life mutants
imposing progress

in a time when the criminals were not impeached

so I scratched a hole in the wall
the hole did not break through to the other side
did not let fresh air in
but became deep enough to create a secret vault

I put one of my love poems in it
the ones I write as a raft
for the mindstream whirlpool possibilitys
of a schizophrenic crack-up
the ones I write but never give

across the room from the new hole
is a mirror on top of a dresser
below it drawers to keep my socks and underwear organized

I see my reflection
at the moment I don't think it accurately represents me
these features incasing me

the mirror has a slight crack
this is the first time I noticed it
but now that I do it's familiar
almost soothing
like a portal for change

@Bragitta

photo by br1ckhouse
http://www.flickr.com/photos/br1ckhouse/100637974/

Cult Bait

a part of me always wanted to be a charismatic cult leader
be a part of a group that looks up to me
as we discuss our experiences
examine it,
toy with it describe it, drug it, draw it, chant it - whatever.
and then wonder if this at all changes the process
then reassure ourselves
that our awakening is valid
cause as one awakens the world awakens

we then will analaze if this is a good thing or not
the release of sleep

talk about the imperative eradication of negative thought
then talk about how postive can contain the negative
wanting, wishing, needing, trying
knowing and believing
how even truth and divinity has its illusions



draw mandalas
and write about circular pilgrimages
repetitive patterns maze-like almost like a map of a city
grow gardens and hide the fast food take out evidence from the others

examine anomalous interaction and coincidence
think about thoughts that are the sum of all the components
creates a vector direction and magnitude
then talk about the need to not have a map
how the only way to be found is to be lost

oh what fun we would have

@Bragitta

photo by sokalkyle
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sokalkyle/539838708/

I feel the coming of another cycle
I reconize the symptoms:
the lull of silence
void in the simplicity of senses
noticing rust and water mark sandscripts
noticing Existence itself as a phenomenon

I beleive in evolution
I have witnessed my ansesters burn the deer dreams
and weed themselves into the fine honed instinct of adaption
within modern cement conditioning
and technical neural-networks
while trying to stay reflective and instinctive

we are becoming experts at human geography
Zap!!!
another connection
another impulse that burns your brain
human grids intersect by "chance"
the glass window you were peering through
opens up
and the breeze blows scent on us
the perfume of remembering
that we are all but parts of one
that ash from a funeral pyre nourhishes future gardens

we might be a bit weary
but we are evolving into different kinds of warriors
within the the never-ending struggle showdown
of flight/ fight.... breath/release
us/them

trust love
or fear the propaganda
either way it feels like a cosmic ripple effect

warriors refining how to be both separate and sovereign
spinning logic when we can
from coincidence

bury anything that is not in the present
throw it into the fire
into the color red
than yellow black gray to green
let it burn out of your life to bloom

I feel the coming of another season

@Bragitta

5 part underwater down load


Part 1:
I stayed in the bath way too long
raisins became my fingers
and prunes became my toes
as I cataloged
all the small / large traumas / Karmas

so
of course
I couldn't answer the phone when you finally did call
cause I had become too soft
within my underwater worlds

Part 2:

I would have liked to tell you about my day
how I almost collected enough star dust
to return the magic between us
but then I heard the message on the machine
the tone of voice chilled my warmth I had collected in the sun
and I have come to terms that Im fated to lose you
regardless of what you mean to me
and I to you

Part 3:

I think I have finally figured out my real skill
walking backwards with almost psychic abilities
within the fragileness of humanity
it comes in handy within this relationship
where we are both certain we will die
and we are both not brave enough
to fully live within our interactions

Part 4:

I don't know when it started
our tendency of chopping the conversation down to its finer points
till its not talking anymore
but warfare
in this forsaken generation of too much time on our hands
time to analyze every nuances magnified under a microscope
self-correction and self-develompent
an era of neurtic freaks

how did it happen
how did it get to be like this
and how can it stop

Part 5:

cleanse ones mind the bumper sticker said
I notice slogans like that while stuck in traffic
and I'm trying my best to figure out
just how to achieve that cleanse
in this underwater down time

and you finnaly did call
but my fingers were too water logged to pick up

@Bragitta

photo by Quiet Light Photography
http://www.flickr.com/photos/iccee/145372593/

pendulum
swinging to and fro
between fear and trust
modules that have evolved over time
ON/OFF
in that space between time eternity
between blinks
space between the end
and each beginning

I remember when vinyl records were the modern technology
playing "strawberry fields forever" as a child
dancing around in my socks on wooden floors
ruining fast to see how far I could slide

one day the cat decided the Beatles record
was it's new toy of the day
scratches making needle skip

grooves imprinted
like grooves imprinted within our families DNA
generations of patterns passed down
the same places where each of us feel familiarly stuck

and these are the times
when the towers come down
some times with force
times when the repeating nightmare
of being chased by monsters in the shadows
become less terrifying
when realizing it is ourselves




the swinging pendulum
to and fro
fear and trust
ON/OFF
in that space between the end
and each beginning

@Bragitta




photo by jbl_nyc
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jblnyc/79107916/

((not mine))

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.

It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration,
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides
whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated,
and a person humanized or de-humanized.

If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.
If we treat people as they ought to be,
we help them become what they
are capable of becoming.”

GOETHE



photo by a_snapshot
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kespictures/424624833/

when she when drinks that glass of water,
she knows that it is made of love
and that's how she gets her glow
not from a counter or in a powder
or a commercial of anything one can buy
she says water makes it possible to stay flexible
allowing understanding
to adjust

@Bragitta

photo by canfielddave
http://www.flickr.com/photos/canfielddave/1507313672/

We all tell ourselves stories
some might be true
some might not
but over time we believe them all
reacting from past creations

I know you miss me
like the tree huggers miss the old growth
you crave me in your soul unknowing what you really are craving

Everyone has a right to believe or disbelieve however they wish
don't trample on my belief system
I will destroy all logic

You miss me like society's built on theft miss thier morals
golf courses on burial grounds
and Karma rises up in thier and their childrens angst

You miss me like the rootless misses traditions
taking the totems poles out of the forest and into muesums
away from the breezes that feed their magic
and charging for others to see inside the boxes created
something they never rightfully owned
praise the culture as art
and ignore the surviours and the morals of their stories

You miss me
I can tell

@Bragitta

....
photograph by Mr. Mark
http://gcaltabiano/1500mb.com/main.html

a lover that brought me a chess board instead of flowers
the spark of collision
the strategic moves playing out
as we argue about God
and studied each others faces
to try to figure out why as strangers we knew each other

the lacking rose petals got steped on
beneath the tracks of our best intentions
protecting past wounds
clinging to the curtains of self created cages
decorating windows shattered and dangerous with shards

I heard past the shut doors
the bird songs in the back yard
and the underbelly of pain

like an incessant gurgle of the brook
generalizations gathered
till we thought we knew what the other was about
and both felt mis-understood

though I left
Serendipity of reflections keep following me
like a total of lifetimes

@Bragitta

....photo by
chimico01
http://www.flickr.com/people/99626099@N00/